Butt Bubbles!

Hello friends.

I remembered this story over margaritas and refried beans, in the bathtub obviously.

I attended quaker school from Kindergarten to 12th grade.
"But you're Jewish?" you might ask or "Do quakers have big beards and not use electricity?" "No, that's the Amish." I reply.

Quaker school attendees were only 10% quaker.
Yet, once a week we were forced to do our quakerly duties and sit in the meeting house for 45 minutes in silence. If you felt touched by the light of god, you were to stand up and speak. Needless to say, god never touched me. So during meeting I learned how to make different animal species with my hands, including an operatic frog.
Don't ask.
Or do, and I will show you!

We would also do other strange quakerly activities like "Feedback," a.k.a. class therapy. Once a week the class sat in a circle and shared feedback with eachother. For instance, "I had so much fun making pizza beabs with MerP and Caro this weekend." or "I was hurt when Ray made fun of my shoes." I know Christine is wishing she had feedback. well you didn't. so ha. :-PPP
(that was not quakerly of me, i'm sorry)

One day in 4th grade we were sharing feedback on this and that, and all of a sudden I felt a sharp pain in my neather-regions.

I had to fart.

It was the painful kind of fart that always comes out honking. Mind you feedback was a quiet time, one person speaking at a time in a large room with superb acoustics. On top of having to fart I was only 3 people away from giving feedback and as I previously implied I was nervous speaking in public. My sentences usually came out in the form of laughter and spastic breathing. So in all that awkwardness I didn't know which decision would be better suited to avoid embarrasment: A) book it to the bathroom or B) stay and hope the fart would pass.

I stuck it out and waited nervously. Then came my turn. My butt HURT. I leaned forward off of the radiator, my tailbone in all sorts of pain but I held onto that fart for dear life.
Then all of a sudden "pvvffjsafsjfisavvpvvffjsafsjfisavv."

The entire classroom was up in arms, rolling around on the floor laughing. I was devastated and my face turned bright red. But I kept a straight face and Craig the psychologist told everyone to quiet down. I gave my feedback and returned my buttocks to the radiator contemplating my lonely future with no friends or boyfriends.

Later that day in gym class I heard: "Did you hear when Evan farted in Feedback!?"
I couldn't believe it!! The fart was blamed on the most popular boy in class who was sitting right next to me!

This brought me comfort only momentarily because I knew, Evan knew, he didn't fart, and would be more than happy to set the record straight.

But I still had friends i guess, and about 2 boys have liked me since.

So bubble boys and girls, farting loudly in a classroom full of fourth graders doesn't always completely destroy your social life.

I bid you adieu with my favorite feedback comment of all time:

Nerd: "I want to thank Matt Fink for telling me about the time he got constipated."
Matt Fink: "What?! that's not feedback!"

<3